by Sydney Peregoy
One of the most frequent responses that I hear to someone expressing their stressors and their worries is, “Everyone goes through stuff, so don’t worry.” A response of trying to relate someone else’s problems to a more universal problem of stress is incredibly invalidating, and honestly really lazy. Instead of getting to the root of the problem, no matter how small it may seem, and trying to brush it off as something that is insignificant in an overall worldview, is more harmful than anything else.
When someone is expressing their deepest concerns at the moment, it only buries this problem even further to respond by telling them that their problem doesn’t really matter. It wastes more time to try and ignore a problem than actually addressing it and empathizing with someone.
Something that’s missing every now and then from conversations I have with people about how I feel about my own stress is listening. Listening to someone and maybe agreeing with them that the state of their emotions is valid might help them get over their own issues quicker than trying to convince someone not to feel how they’re feeling.
Other tips to emotionally validate friends and family include:
No matter how much you might not want to agree with someone on how they’re feeling, do it anyway. Acknowledging that their situation does in fact suck, helps them feel like they’re genuinely being listened to and might give them enough motivation to move past or work through whatever they are feeling.
Try and leave your own experiences out, or put it to a minimum. It is better to work with whatever situation your friend or family member presents you because the last thing they need is to feel like you’re taking this conversation as an opportunity to talk about yourself.
If you don’t have a lot of advice, just let your loved one know that you’ll always be there for them. Life is stressful in general, but knowing that you have someone to always turn to in the worst of times makes it feel a little less overwhelming.
The holidays are a stressful time, from figuring out financial needs to finishing up final coursework, it is incredibly important to remember how to have healthy conversations surrounding mental health. Watch out for yourself and others, and make sure to take some time for yourself to reflect on your own emotions.
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